As in the first blog post I haven’t had any bipolar disorder type one relapse for more than 18 years, that is since 2006.
So I had my first psychosis in 2001, and then I had to relapse in 2006.
What led to 2006 relapse?
I was living on my own. I didn’t visit my family for around 2 months or so. I had minimal social contact except when I attended university and met with some of my friends & classmates.
Besides I didn’t know that bipolar disorder can be that dangerous and so damaging. I underestimated bipolar disorder and mental health in general and I assumed if things got complicated the psychiatrist would just prescribe more medication or a new type of medication.
I let my guard down, I didn’t take the medication as the doctor prescribed. I was careless.
I had a relapse
The outcome was inevitable, because of my ignorance about mental health and the dangers it can lead to.
When I was particularly sick, I mean psychotic, I didn’t eat, I practiced sports obsessively and I didn’t sleep.
Unfortunately, after that relapse things got much more complicated. When having a manic episode I exercised excessively and I ended up with many injuries most notably my lower back. After that episode I started to suffer from chronic fatigue and muscle and joints pain, tinnitus, and severe anxiety.
I did not recover fully even after 18 years, however, I am working on it in a more strategic and organized way and I see progress, slow progress nonetheless I am improving.
My life changed
I was not able to practice sports like I used to in fact since 2006 I’m not even able to run, at certain times not even being able to walk 200 m a day.
The experience of the relapse and with it physical weakness and injuries that came hand in hand, led to PTSDPTSD Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health condition that can develop after someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event.
Key symptoms may include: Flashbacks or intrusive memories of the event, nightmares or disturbing thoughts, emotional distress or physical reactions to reminders of the trauma, avoidance of places, people, or activities that trigger memories of the event, difficulty sleeping or concentrating. and possibly a more severe form of OCD and this is my own conclusion, not a doctor’s interpretation. My father, unaware of the seriousness of my condition, made my recovery much harder as he did not let me seek better care at a clinic for better recovery despite the psychiatrist’s insistence.
A turning point
The issues with physical weakness and injuries were transformative since I enjoyed practicing different types of sports and sports were my main hobbies before that event.
I spent at least the first 3 years after the 2006 relapse panicking visiting different doctors not aware that I had developed psychosomatic illnesses.
Nonetheless, I am lucky as I was able to earn my university degree in 2008. I fought back and still do today to get the best life possible with what I have.
How sport forged my mental resilience
I developed resilience thanks to the sports I practiced and the training I did when I was fit.
In fact, there was training experience worth writing a couple of blog posts about and doing more reading and research to have a better grasp of why that training changed me.
This training experience was unique, when I practiced Kung Fu we had a four-day training camp on the beach, we lived in tents, and the training was fun and tough.
And I got tougher and developed stamina especially mentally when, a sports coach who trained the military, pushed us to run for a long distance at a pace we had never experienced before and the speed was ever-increasing.
I remember I was so tired that I did not feel my body anymore but kept running and running with my mind.
That changed me, I knew we have more energy than we actually think and mental strength is key to a more physical power.
Conclusion
The 2006 relapse was devastating, however, hopefully I was able to get my university degree, even though I did not get a doctorate or PhD I am still a university graduate, and I was able to work on my field of study and still do today.
I am not as fit as I used to, however, I am following the advice of different specialized doctors to be fit again, nutritionist, orthopedist, and psychiatrist, thanks to Allah I am seeing progress. For sure I do not only need to adapt but change, I am changing and evolving through reading too. I read extensively to be influenced by the brightest minds.