As in the first blog post I haven’t had any bipolar disorder type one relapse for more than 18 years, that is since 2006.
So I had my first psychosis in 2001, and then I had to relapse in 2006.
What led to 2006 relapse?
I was living on my own. I didn’t visit my family for around 2 months or so. I had minimal social contact except when I attended university and met with some of my friends & classmates.
Besides I didn’t know that bipolar disorder can be that dangerous and so damaging. I underestimated bipolar disorder and mental health in general and I assumed if things got complicated the psychiatrist would just prescribe more medication or a new type of medication.
I let my guard down, I didn’t take the medication as the doctor prescribed. I was careless.
I had a relapse
The outcome was inevitable, because of my ignorance about mental health and the dangers it can lead to.
When I was particularly sick, I mean psychotic, I didn’t eat, I practiced sports obsessively and I didn’t sleep.
Unfortunately, after that relapse things got much more complicated. When having a manic episode I exercised excessively and I ended up with many injuries most notably my lower back. After that episode I started to suffer from chronic fatigue and muscle and joints pain, tinnitus, and severe anxiety.
I did not recover fully even after 18 years, however, I am working on it in a more strategic and organized way and I see progress, slow progress nonetheless I am improving.
My life changed
I was not able to practice sports like I used to in fact since 2006 I’m not even able to run, at certain times not even being able to walk 200 m a day.
The experience of the relapse and with it physical weakness and injuries that came hand in hand, led to PTSD and possibly a more severe form of OCD and this is my own conclusion, not a doctor’s interpretation. My father, unaware of the seriousness of my condition, made my recovery much harder as he kept being aggressive towards me and did not let me seek better care at a clinic for better recovery despite the psychiatrist’s insistence.
A turning point
The issues with physical weakness and injuries were transformative since I enjoyed practicing different types of sports and sports were my main hobbies before that event.
I spent at least the first 3 years after the 2006 relapse panicking visiting different doctors not aware that I had developed psychosomatic illnesses.
Nonetheless, I am lucky as I was able to earn my university degree in 2008. I fought back and still do today to get the best life possible with what I have.
How sport forged my mental resilience
I developed resilience thanks to the sports I practiced and the training I did when I was fit.
In fact, there was training experience worth writing a couple of blog posts about and doing more reading and research to have a better grasp of why that training changed me.
This training experience was unique, when I practiced Kung Fu we had a four-day training camp on the beach, we lived in tents, and the training was fun and tough.
And I got tougher and developed stamina especially mentally when, a sports coach who trained the military, pushed us to run for a long distance at a pace we had never experienced before and the speed was ever-increasing.
I remember I was so tired that I did not feel my body anymore but kept running and running with my mind.
That changed me, I knew we have more energy than we actually think and mental strength is key to a more physical power.
Conclusion
The 2006 relapse was devastating, however, hopefully I was able to get my university degree, even though I did not get a doctorate or PhD I am still a university graduate, and I was able to work on my field of study and still do today.
I am not as fit as I used to, however, I am following the advice of different specialized doctors to be fit again, nutritionist, orthopedist, and psychiatrist, thanks to Allah I am seeing progress. For sure I do not only need to adapt but change, I am changing and evolving through reading too. I read extensively to be influenced by the brightest minds.