Avoidance behavior is a psychological coping mechanism in which the individual avoids/escapes feelings, activities, situations, and thoughts to evade discomfort. Although, this offers some short term relief but reinforces anxiety over the long run. Avoidance behavior also prevents us from building healthy coping strategies.
Based on my personal experience with avoidance behavior, it turns out it is a key maladaptive behavior, that led to limiting nearly all aspects of my life for over a decade until I recognized its impact.
I – The Emergence of the Awareness of Avoidance Behavior
Undoubtedly, overcoming a decade of avoidance behaviors isn’t easy, as these maladaptive patterns tend to become reinforced if not addressed promptly—whether through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or gradual exposure.
In my experience, my avoidance behavior began with a decline in self-confidence triggered by a relapse of bipolar disorder with psychosis, which resulted in an injury, chronic fatigue, and joint pain.
I was no longer able to engage in the sport I was passionate about—a defining and central activity in my life—and I couldn’t understand what was happening to me both mentally and physically.
II- Facing Avoidance Behavior
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until after 17 years of treatment that I saw a psychiatrist who attempted to treat me with psychotherapy. This psychotherapy proved effective, and I continue to pursue psycho-education to better understand psychology and the solutions it offers for achieving my life goals and fulfillment.
After 17 years, I gradually came to understand my health issues better and acquired new tools to work on my mental health—particularly in addressing my avoidance behavior.
1- Identifying avoidance behavior
The psychiatrist and after that a psychologist help me recognize avoidance patterns, challenge irrational fears, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
To alleviate the symptoms of avoidance behavior, I had to identify avoidance triggers with:
– Keeping a calendar to record situations that triggered my avoidance, along with the associated feelings, thoughts, and behaviors before and after each event.
– Noting recurring patterns such as social phobia, avoiding travel and physical activities, and being overly sensitive to even minor physical pain.
When I journal on my calendar, consistently use keywords: “Avoidance Behavior Journal” so that I can easily locate all my related entries.
I review these entries on my journal which has helped me identify patterns and cues such as:
– Avoiding going outdoor to socialize – Having thoughts of physical pain, especially back pain. Which make me think that I won’t be able to sit with people long enough, that supposedly will make me feel weird and rejected. – Becoming overly focused on work and productivity, to the point where I de-prioritize social interactions, ironically increasing my anxiety and reinforcing avoidance behavior.
These logs when reviewed help me better understand my problems, their origins and the correlations between thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Besides, these notes are the essentials to challenge negative thoughts, which supported my use of the following techniques:
2- Cognitive Restructuring
Recognizing cognitive distortions, in my case: black and white thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophising and mind reading (in social settings another reason to feel uncomfortable with people), and the tendency maximizing the negative and minimizing the positive.
After studying cognitive biases from several books, I was able to recognize that these biases are not based on evidence and which allowed me to view situations more realistically instead of resorting to worst-case scenarios.
Then being more self-compassionate and less of a perfectionist I replaced some of these negative thoughts with more realistic and constructive one.
2- Gradual Exposure Therapy in Synergy with Behavioral Activation
Definitions:
Gradual Exposure Therapy (GET) is a type of psychotherapy that helps individuals overcome anxiety, fear, or avoidance behaviors by gradually exposing them to the feared situation, object, or activity.
Behavioral Activation (BA) is a type of psychotherapy that aims to help individuals overcome depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions by increasing engagement in meaningful, pleasurable, and goal-directed activities.
In this next step, I gradually test my new thoughts. If I am not that confident, I won’t follow a strict step-by-step approach but I will use baby-steps, that is taking the smallest steps possible.
For example, when it comes to exercising, instead of aiming to walk 1 kilometer, I might start by walking just 100 meters. Some studies suggest that even simply wearing sports clothes—without exercising or going out—can serve as a meaningful first step.
“The Zeigarnik Effect is the power of unfinished business or interrupted or uncompleted activity to hold a privileged place in memory. Unfinished tasks create a cognitive burden, weigh more heavily on the mind, and are more easily recalled than completed tasks.”
Psychology Today
In this case, the Zeigarnik effect is used to combat avoidance behavior. As when we start a task and create a sense of unfinished business, this discomfort motivates us to complete the task. Research however, suggest that Zeigarnik effect is most effective when used in conjunction with planning and intentional task initiation.
Every time I practiced gradual exposure, I observed that my automatic negative thoughts and avoidance behaviors were neither logical nor realistic. Often, I found myself caught in a vicious cycle of negativity, catastrophizing events. This awareness helped me realize that many of these issues were self-generated, enabling me to adjust my thinking and gradually reduce avoidance over time.
For example, I recently took up biking. Initially, I experienced knee pain, so I used my bicycle less often and only for shorter distances because I feared further pain, complications, or even disabilities. However, by employing exposure techniques and arming myself with the courage and awareness I gained through psychology and personal experience, I discovered I could use my bike far more than I had expected.
In fact, I am able to use the bicycle on long trip without a notable discomfort when back home. The pain happens mostly before and at the beginning of the trip.
I have also noted that when I use bike with a friend I care less about the pain and sometimes I forget about it altogether.
Thus, using exposure therapy, behavioral activation and Zeigarnik Effect in tandem I could get tangible results to alleviate avoidance behavior.
It is worth noting that the key goal difference between exposure therapy and behavioral activation is exposure therapy aims at reducing fear/anxiety to specific triggers and behavioral activation goal is to counteract withdrawal and restore functioning.
3 – Islam
Islam offers abundant guidance and many rules that help combat avoidance behavior. For example:
- Trust in Allah: Relying on Allah—knowing that He is All-Powerful (Al-Qadir) and All-Knowing (Al-Aleem)—is not a passive resignation. Instead, it’s an active reliance combined with taking the necessary actions. Recognizing that ultimate success or failure is in Allah’s hands helps diminish the fear that fuels avoidance behavior. This, in turn, reduces the pressure of negative outcomes and makes us more likely to confront problems rather than avoid them.
- Allah’s All-Knowledge: Being aware that Allah knows what is best for us—even when we don’t fully understand His plan—helps us trust Him. What we fear may actually hold unseen benefits.
“وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“
[Al-Baqarah: 216]
Translation: “But perhaps you hate something and it is good for you; and perhaps you love something and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 216)
As a personal anecdote, my health problems led me to change my career path to remote freelancing. This shift allowed me to work on more varied and challenging projects. The energy and time saved on commuting were invested in studying a diverse range of subjects—including psychology, Islam, and computer science—which, in turn, spurred significant personal growth and deepened my insights into my mental health issues and life overall.
Many people wish for their thorny problems to be solved immediately. However, the wisdom of Allah is such that His solutions may take time to manifest. They might seem delayed, but they are ultimately inevitable and just. An Arabic proverb echoes this sentiment:
“الله يمهل و لا يهمل”
(literally, “Allah gives time but does not neglect,” equivalent to “The mills of God grind slowly.”)
By relying on Allah without resorting to passivity, we find comfort in knowing that He is omniscient and omnipotent, and that our patience will be rewarded in this life and the hereafter. As the following hadith states:
عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ قَالَ
:مَا يُصِيبُ المُسْلِمَ، مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ، وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حُزْنٍ وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غَمٍّ، حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلَّا كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ
Translation: The Prophetﷺ
said: No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins thereby.
Indeed, Islamic teachings provide valuable guidance for effectively addressing and resolving problems. The wisdom of Islam alleviates the pressure and negativity stemming from avoidance behavior in both practical and spiritual ways—bringing peace and serenity.
Finally, although there is much more to say about how Islam improves quality of life—whether or not one has mental health issues—I will conclude with a brief quote from Nabulsi in Arabic, along with its English translation:
كل شيء وقع أراده الله، وكل شيء أراده الله وقع، وإرادة الله متعلقة بالحكمة المطلقة، والحكمة المطلقة متعلقة بالخير المطلق، بالكون لا يوجد شر مطلق، يوجد خير مطلق، وشر نسبي موظف للخير، هذه حقيقة إيمانية كبرى، تفسر كل ما يحدث في الأرض، لأنه حينما نتوهم أن الله لا علاقة له بما يجري، هذا يعد نقصاً في ألوهية الإله، كل شيء وقع أراده الله، بمعنى سمح به، وإراداة الله متعلقة بالحكمة المطلقة، والحكمة المطلقة متعلقة بالخير المطلق
Translation: Everything that occurs happens by Allah’s will, and everything Allah wills happens. Allah’s will is connected to absolute wisdom, and absolute wisdom is connected to absolute goodness. In the universe, there is no absolute evil; there is absolute goodness, and relative evil exists in service of goodness. This is a major tenet of faith that explains everything that happens on Earth, because when we imagine that Allah has nothing to do with what occurs, that constitutes a deficiency in the divinity of Allah. Everything that occurs happens by Allah’s will—that is, He permits it—and Allah’s will is connected to absolute wisdom, and absolute wisdom is connected to absolute goodness.
Conclusion
Having a holistic approach to a combat avoidance behavior using psychology techniques such as exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring with the wisdom of Islam provided a robust framework for confronting and overcoming avoidance. My life quality improved dramatically as it is build on resilience, hope and continuous training and improvement.